rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
