Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
