im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not a walk of shame if you run
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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