I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
