you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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