I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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