come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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