i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
