Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
