Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
