fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
