I looked at my own cervix.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize