I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
