his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
