she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
