Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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