i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
