Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
