my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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