Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
