her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
