Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
