Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
