when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
