This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
