Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
