1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are the jesus of drinking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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