I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
