Small penises have feelings too.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
