So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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