I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
