I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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