apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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