if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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