You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize