You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
