i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I love you.
Bad choice
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
