as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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