So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
