how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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