look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
did you just send me my own nude
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
