He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize