i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
