Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
