I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize