one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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