Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
