Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
