I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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