Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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