its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
