Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
