erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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