either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
