we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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