he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
