Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
