God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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