they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
