i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
