You work out of a Hotel?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Randomize
