I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The air was thick with penises
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize