Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
