Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
