I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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