Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
