Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
