So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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