he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As shirtless as possible
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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