I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
