I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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