its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
