You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
