I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The best revenge is premature balding
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
