I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
