Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
