she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
