you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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