I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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