Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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