i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
