I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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