found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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