I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
