she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
