Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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