But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
