The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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