so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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