She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
