those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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