I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
