the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
