a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
