You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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