i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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