I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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