i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
