What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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