how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
