I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
