brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
